do I "have difference"?

This is a question that has been provoking me for the past three months since I started my job at IINJ.

I work with immigrant survivors of torture, or, people who nearly escaped from that or similar circumstances. I am doing this because of a profound conviction that has developed in me mainly over the past 3 years that Christians need to care about the poor, the oppressed, the orphan, the widow, the marginalized, the silenced and the lonely. Not only do we need to care, but we must have a radical commitment to do something about it, because that is what Christ modeled. That is the side of Christianity that often gets neglected in most suburban churches. That is the side of my faith that was never stressed where I grew up in church.

But so ok; I'm a Christian. I'm even a Christian that has come to believe in themes that the minor prophets of the Old Testament stressed about a God who cares about social justice and mercy and demands that of His people. I am a Christian who wants to believe that I am different from others because my faith in Jesus sets me apart and drives me to do what I do and that gives me hope in situations where there should be no hope. But when I walk into my office Monday through Friday, I am virtually surrounded by a group of people, (most of whom do not share my faith) that share that commitment to seek justice for the oppressed, help for the needy and love for the lonely. Many of them would probably say that they are not driven by a conviction derived from faith at all, but simply by a commitment to human rights.

There's nothing wrong with being committed to human rights and letting that influence your actions, or in believing that the goodness in humanity will triumph over many circumstances of evil. (I am NOT saying that I do not believe that all of humanity is fallen, morally distorted/confused and sinful. I do believe this.) But if you believe that the "goodness" of a struggling humanity is all that there is to hope and strive for, that seems kinda empty doesn't it? If you know that you have been rescued from your own pitifulness by a God that sacrificed for you, shouldn't that set your attitude, actions and motivation apart from others who do not share that belief?

And yet, there is irony here. When I look around my office, I see people, of multiple faiths and of the secular variety, that are perhaps doing a better "job" at "having difference" than I am (not all, but some). I see some people who are more committed to their cause than I. I see some people with much more hope, more enthusiasm, more endurance, more heart, more discernment, more determination and more outward signs of peace than I have. Sometimes I feel that as I am surrounded by all of these “good” people, I have nothing tangible to offer, nothing to give our clients that surpasses what they have. This, if it is true, is a troubling realization. It's a slight cognitive dissonance.

I’ve thought about this issue a lot when I am working closely with and slowly getting to know some of my coworkers. I mainly work with a team in the survivors of torture department who I call “Women of the Book”. One is a fiery, middle-aged, Argentinean, liberal Jewess with strong Israeli roots and who has an “organic” way of operating. One is a semi-religious, super-busy, Catholic woman from Togo who is very sweet but somewhat uncommunicative, type B and random which makes work sometimes difficult. One is a fairly recent immigrant and very type A Moroccan woman who is very religious and recites “Praise God” and “If Allah wills it” in Arabic all the time. And then there’s me…the only one of us who is not an immigrant and is not fluent in 3 languages. (um, yeeeah…I’m working on 2).

On the one hand, the four of us couldn’t be more different. On the other hand, we all share the commonality of a faith derived from one original set of scripture and one God. This makes us theological cousins (with a pretty bloody history all around) and theoretically, we all should be motivated by faith in a just God in the way that we live our lives. And yet, the 3.5 religions that we represent are all pretty different. While all look to God as creator and merciful judge, only one of them theoretically is not dependent on human effort to ensure salvation. And that's me. That's the camp that I represent; the camp with the most hope because being declared clean, whole and free from the bondage of sin is not dependent on what I do but on what Christ has done for me as my advocate to God. Not only that, but it is because I can have a relationship with this Advocate and through him, God, that I can find hope and healing for my wounds, because He was wounded also.

And yet, in the way we "Women of the Book" function in the office, in the way that we interact with the clients and build relationships with them as we are providing services for them, are we really acting any differently? Because I believe that I have the presence of the Holy Spirit within me, is there anything different about how I treat and interact with these people who are separated from their children after they fled their countries for fear of their lives, as three brothers from Chad just heard that their father was killed in rebel fighting, as a young woman is trying to find a new life here after she was burned with acid and raped? I can't technically "bring my faith into the mix" as I am interacting with these clients and being their case manager on a daily basis, but is my faith making a difference? Is my motivation for being there with them any different than it is for my Jewish, Muslim, Catholic and secular coworkers?

I don't know. I honestly hate to say that I don't know.

"You said, ask and you will receive whatever you need...

You said, ask and I'll give the nations to you,

Oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart."